And i'm slipping through the years, My old clothes don't fit like they once did. So they hang like ghosts of the people i've been.
...Been awhile since i've posted here, though I feel myself slipping through the cracks once again, back to ED, back to the routines and rituals from which I find sickening amounts of solace and peace of mind.
( ....may be triggering...Collapse )
This feeling is vile and disgusting in how wrong I know it is deep down, how much I am cheating myself out of, by focusing all my energy back into this dead end, sad excuse for a life... And yet so soothing, a sense of coming back home to something. A broken home, but familiar grounds none the less. God help me help myself before I once again walk into the lair of the beast and allow this monster to dig it's claws in too deep.
I'm sorry if the new layout is a little lame..but it's christmas-y and cute and makes me feel like a little kid again. I think elephants and christmas are a good combination, lol.
Anyways, i'm sorry for not posting to the community more, I've been drowning in exam prep and finals and work and stress from daily life. I've been lucky to squeeze in 4-6hours of sleep a night every night since september. I'm not exagerating either.
*maybe triggering? mentions weight and food, just a heads up for anyone who reads this*
I blame it on stress from homework and the extreme need I feel to over-achieve (more so for myself than for others) but I went through a pretty rough 2week b/p cycle about a month ago.. went from 102lbs to 104lbs to 106lbs which scared the fuck out of me... (for very complex reasons I am very fearful of being at a...fertile weight lets say, which is around 108lbs and up for me..my "healthy" weight with a bmi of around 20 is 120lbs... i'm 5'3.7...i gradually was able to restrict again (because the stress from b/p was way, way too much and I saw how much more difficult I was making my own life, so decided to do something nice for myself for once and solve the problem) I was 103.8lbs a few days ago...after eating more than planned due to dinner at my bf's house, too much hot chocolate, etc, I am probably gunna be like 105+lbs tomorrow..which makes me feel very regretful and frustrated at myself...I know I have the power to stop sabotaging my own sanity and get back into my comfortable meal plan and routine, so that's what i'm planning to do.
Anyways sorry for ranting a little. I hope all you lovely ladies (and gentlement) have a good night, a great weekend, and a fantastic holiday :) Feel free to message me or comment, I am also available to give out my hotmail if anyone wants someone to talk to for support, or about anything, or just to chat :) take care <3
i hope everyone is doing well.
happy halloween :)
- Current Mood: exhausted
Wow it's been dead in here.
C'MON GUYS, POST =D
I'm new to this community - I'm on pa juniors as well..I guess I best post my stats then..please don't laugh =/
H - 5"6
CW - 115lbs ....eughhh I know =(
GW1 - 103lbs
GW2 - 95lbs
GW3 - ??
Oh , and I'm 14
How is everyone today?
Lots of Love
I'm new here.
And I have anorexia and a touch of bulimia.
I tried to recover but, its not working.
And I hate it.
I'm trying to get thin again.
I hope I can. =\
- Current Mood: anxious
My ED has been developing over the last few years and my weight just kinda see-saws. Right now I'm determined to lose 30-40lb because I'm sick of my mother telling me how fat I am.
I have periods of extreme restriction and "normal" however I seem to pile weight on when I'm "normal"
I just want a group of people who aren't going to tell me to eat more and that I'm a freak if I want to have under 500 cals.
I'm not eating until at least this evening. Then hopefully I'll manage to stick to salad.
- Current Mood: blah
i want to turn back time damnnnnnnnnnnn.why did i do this? why? please tell me i wont gain too much , please tell me i wont gain more than 1 lbs.
love to you all
thank god there are proanas...my friends don't understand ANYTHING!